"There, you are a civilised man again, instead of a soldier. Or nearly so. Let me - "
He kneels at my feet, and I can hardly breathe for a moment. I remember, suddenly, things I imagined as a boy, ideas I quickly buried as inappropriate, the idea of reversing our roles and having Tetricus on his knees -
When he unlaces my greaves I can feel my heart pounding. This is foolish, I tell myself, to react so strongly to his touch. I have grown to accept that I relish the caresses of men more than those of women, and that I am more stirred by man's beauty than by woman's, but this is still a strangely intense response. I have to fight the impulse to put my hand on his hair.
Of course, he does not know what kind of lewd things I am imagining, and I feel ashamed. He sits down, and I sit with him.
"Tell me, how do you find Excolo, now that you return to her? Are we much changed for your adventures?"
"It is strange," I say. "So much has changed, even in this short time. But in some ways I think things that have not changed are stranger, because I have gone away and seen so much and they have taken no notice of it." I smile. "It is man's vanity that expects the world to change because he does." I shift a little so I can look at him. "You, friend, seem the same as always," I say with a smile. I hesitate, but I think I can allow myself to be sentimental, given the occasion. "And your letters have been a constant to me. I enjoyed Parthia, but it is a foreign, barbaric land, and that could be tiring." And lonely, and miserable, sometimes. "Your letters, more than any others, brought a civilised light to my life. In my frustrated hours I would read them and remember - home." I wonder if I have said too much, and I feel colour flare briefly in my cheeks, a boyish sort of reaction I have worked hard to repress, and so I sip my wine to cover it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2010-10-21 03:06 pm (UTC)"There, you are a civilised man again, instead of a soldier. Or nearly so. Let me - "
He kneels at my feet, and I can hardly breathe for a moment. I remember, suddenly, things I imagined as a boy, ideas I quickly buried as inappropriate, the idea of reversing our roles and having Tetricus on his knees -
When he unlaces my greaves I can feel my heart pounding. This is foolish, I tell myself, to react so strongly to his touch. I have grown to accept that I relish the caresses of men more than those of women, and that I am more stirred by man's beauty than by woman's, but this is still a strangely intense response. I have to fight the impulse to put my hand on his hair.
Of course, he does not know what kind of lewd things I am imagining, and I feel ashamed. He sits down, and I sit with him.
"Tell me, how do you find Excolo, now that you return to her? Are we much changed for your adventures?"
"It is strange," I say. "So much has changed, even in this short time. But in some ways I think things that have not changed are stranger, because I have gone away and seen so much and they have taken no notice of it." I smile. "It is man's vanity that expects the world to change because he does." I shift a little so I can look at him. "You, friend, seem the same as always," I say with a smile. I hesitate, but I think I can allow myself to be sentimental, given the occasion. "And your letters have been a constant to me. I enjoyed Parthia, but it is a foreign, barbaric land, and that could be tiring." And lonely, and miserable, sometimes. "Your letters, more than any others, brought a civilised light to my life. In my frustrated hours I would read them and remember - home." I wonder if I have said too much, and I feel colour flare briefly in my cheeks, a boyish sort of reaction I have worked hard to repress, and so I sip my wine to cover it.