He is silent, and I wonder if I have said too much, expressed too much emotion. But no: "Of all things about returning, it was seeing you again I looked forward to most. I never expected this. But it feels as if it is something for which I have waited without knowing."
I lean into his touch without thinking. "Had you thought to propose this to me, before you returned?"
I thought of him so much. I remember the last letter I received from him, how carefully I folded it, how almost reluctant I was to put it away so I could sleep. Was it longing for this that I felt, then, though unknowing?
I remember as well the tenderness I felt for his younger self, a tenderness that only grew through the time we spent together until at times it was an ache in my chest. Perhaps it was waiting to grow into this, once I could see him as a man in his own right.
The love of a man for a man, and I have loved men as friends alone; is this, then, so much more wrong? It does not feel it. It feels natural to have his body pressed the length of mine, warm and strong-limbed.
"I think that I have waited too." My fingers comb through his hair. I did that when he was a boy sitting at my feet. This is better, and that is a hard and a tremendous thing to learn.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2010-10-23 02:09 am (UTC)I lean into his touch without thinking. "Had you thought to propose this to me, before you returned?"
I thought of him so much. I remember the last letter I received from him, how carefully I folded it, how almost reluctant I was to put it away so I could sleep. Was it longing for this that I felt, then, though unknowing?
I remember as well the tenderness I felt for his younger self, a tenderness that only grew through the time we spent together until at times it was an ache in my chest. Perhaps it was waiting to grow into this, once I could see him as a man in his own right.
The love of a man for a man, and I have loved men as friends alone; is this, then, so much more wrong? It does not feel it. It feels natural to have his body pressed the length of mine, warm and strong-limbed.
"I think that I have waited too." My fingers comb through his hair. I did that when he was a boy sitting at my feet. This is better, and that is a hard and a tremendous thing to learn.