"I think perhaps before you left...I did not see you, not truly. I saw who you had been, and that was between my eyes and you."
My heart is so full. But it does not feel like weakness.
"I suppose I did not want you to have grown into a man so that you did not go from me. I am - ashamed of my own folly."
"The night we parted," I say after a moment, "before I left for Parthia, I - " It is a hard thing to admit, but he has shown so much of his heart to me. "I wept," I say. "I was ashamed," I say, "to cry like a boy, when I knew I was already a man, a man ready to take his first steps toward a good career, and I knew that to weep was to - dishonour you in a way, because it was your friendship that secured me the post. Nonetheless, I did not want to go from you. I blamed it on my nerves about leaving Excolo behind me, for you had come to mean the city to me in so many ways - " Tetricus who has always been at the heart of things here, who knows everyone - "but..." I take the hand that touched my face, kiss the strong fingertips. "I suppose that was not all."
I fear I am becoming too sentimental, and so I smile and settle back against the couch, though it is narrow enough that we are still touching.
"You know," I say with a smile, "when I was a boy I was jealous of Calida. Now there is a boyish foolishness I think I have left behind me, because I see how we are now, and it is not at all how a man is with a woman, not at all."
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2010-10-23 06:14 pm (UTC)My heart is so full. But it does not feel like weakness.
"I suppose I did not want you to have grown into a man so that you did not go from me. I am - ashamed of my own folly."
"The night we parted," I say after a moment, "before I left for Parthia, I - " It is a hard thing to admit, but he has shown so much of his heart to me. "I wept," I say. "I was ashamed," I say, "to cry like a boy, when I knew I was already a man, a man ready to take his first steps toward a good career, and I knew that to weep was to - dishonour you in a way, because it was your friendship that secured me the post. Nonetheless, I did not want to go from you. I blamed it on my nerves about leaving Excolo behind me, for you had come to mean the city to me in so many ways - " Tetricus who has always been at the heart of things here, who knows everyone - "but..." I take the hand that touched my face, kiss the strong fingertips. "I suppose that was not all."
I fear I am becoming too sentimental, and so I smile and settle back against the couch, though it is narrow enough that we are still touching.
"You know," I say with a smile, "when I was a boy I was jealous of Calida. Now there is a boyish foolishness I think I have left behind me, because I see how we are now, and it is not at all how a man is with a woman, not at all."